Over the past year and a half there is one thing that I have learned to cherish - stability. When I have a day, or heck even an afternoon where things are smooth and stable, it's a breath of fresh air! We have known nothing but change over that period of time and I have learned perspective that not all change is bad. In fact some of it can be very good - just depends on your perspective. An example of stability that I love - each and every year for Valentines day, my dad sends me a box of Whitman's sampler's chocolates in the mail. And I know every year that taped inside is a small white card with a simple note - "Happy Valentines Day Meredith, Love, Daddy." You have no idea how much I look forward to that simple note each year - so much so that they are taped on the side of my refrigerator. Thanks Daddy.
We had a big change in our lives last Friday that depending on your perspective, could be seen as bad or good - we enrolled Alex into daycare. For the past 16 months our mom's have split the week and watched Alex and Addison here at the house. Addison started a half day program at Avery's day care in January and has been thriving, but we just weren't ready to start Alex at that time. But, as circumstances have changed and as my mom gets ready to start chemo (on the heels of Justin's mom wrapping up chemo no less), it was time to make another change.
The challenge? Alex's special needs.
I have been hesitant to share the details of Alex's challenges in the past unless it was with close family and friends. I initially thought that I was protecting Alex but I think the only person I was protecting was myself. Hearing bad news and negativity is hard, and my life has been hard lately. However, in my effort to have support only from those closest to me, I have eliminated the opportunity for others to grow an appreciation for Alex and who he is - a happy, smiling, curious little boy who has a lot to give. And from whom we all have the opportunity to become better people.
Perspective.
I think it's important to know that the day Alex was born, he was a typically developing child with no disabilities (that's the terminology used in the medical field - typically developing versus developmentally delayed). On October 21, 2010, I had 3 typical children - Alex, Addison, and Avery. Alex, however, had a tumor in his kidney the size of my fist and he only weighed 4 pounds. In the end, after he crashed post surgery to remove the tumor, he had a brain injury. And that's how we got where we are today. A perfect, loving little boy who has been dealt a short stick - and we have to make the tough choices to better his life.
Whew, a lot to take in. Remember my advice from the last blog entry, never ask the larger global question of, "Why?" You will go nowhere fast and my husband and children need the best they can get from me. There are better ways to spend your time and your brain cells.
So, back to daycare. We decided to put Alex in a different school than Addison and Avery which goes against everything I stand for - I firmly believe that we should treat Alex as we would treat the girls. When the girls nap, he naps. When the girls eat, he eats. But there are times when treating the same doesn't mean being identical in your treatment. His school, Easter Seals UCP, is equipped to handle delayed children and specifically Alex's delays. He can't sit up unassisted and he struggles to eat with a spoon. Easter Seals however has therapists on site, they have a pureed diet on the menu, and most importantly, they have typical children in each class room - the ratio is 6 typical to 4 delayed - I LOVE THAT!!! On my first visit to the school I was there during playground time and there was a child using a walker who was struggling to get up a hill. My instinct was to go help him but before I could, his classmate, a typical child, ran over and starting pushing him from behind like they were drafting in a NASCAR race - it was beautiful. That's what I want for Alex.
And more importantly, that's what I want for those typical children he will encounter at his school. That's what I want for every person reading this blog. That's what I want for all of your children. I want you to know that being different can mean a lot of things. It can mean you have freckles. Or you have a lisp. Or you use a wheelchair. But at the end of the day, we are all the same in all the ways that matter.
Oh yes, change is good. I walked out of that school Friday morning with a smile on my face and with the weight of 16 months being lifted off my shoulders. They have no idea who just hit em.
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| Alex and his Daddy |
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| Avery and Addison at Avery's 3rd birthday party! |
Til next time...M
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